Relive The Highs, Lows And Total WTFs Of Britney Spears' Bumpy Past Week

In just one week, Britney Spears has drawn a line in the proverbial pop sand and divided her followers—all by being just, well, Britney Spears. After a period of seclusion over the past two months, this broad was suddenly all over the place.

Let's recap:

1. On Friday, Wigney performed at Rain nightclub in the Palms resort in Las Vegas. Lip syncing, lazy dancing, lack of on-stage banter with audience? Check, check, check!

2. Two days later the Weaved One hauled her big fat bass to the Bill Graham Civic Auditorium in San Francisco (rain caused her to head indoors and protect her wig, rather than go forward with a planned outdoor gig in The Castro). Same set as Vegas.

3. Rugney's seventh studio album (and best, most cohesive so far) Femme Fatale hit U.S. iTunes at midnight on Monday night, and by morning overtook Songs For Japan as the top download.

4. Mimeney's San Fran performance aired Tuesday on Good Morning America, during which she told host Robin Roberts she'd be heading out on a North American tour with Enrique Iglesias this summer. Haters and fans alike called the entire half-assed appearance a career low.

5. Oopsney! Hours later, news came that Enrique had pulled out of the joint tour. Word on the street was that the Latin heartthrob felt he wouldn't be getting enough cash/equal billing. And just why would she need him anyway? Didn't the Circus Tour rake it in two years ago? Has Lethargicney really become so lazy that she needs someone else to entertain her audience?

6. Next the world was thrown into utter chaos when Rivalney was tweeted at in a well-meaning manner by Christina Aguilera: "Hey @BritneySpears Congrats on Femme Fatale release! Can't wait to see what you bring in the next video. xo" [Careful, Wigwamney—that ho probably wants to borrow money or a yacht or something.]

7. Tweetney later wrote back to Xtina: "Thanks @TheRealXtina. Can't wait to watch you on your new show. Hope we get to hear that voice on The Voice." [I'm chalking that up as a slam!]

8. Tuesday night, ABCney did a funny skit with the dorks from Jackass on Jimmy Kimmel Live, wherein she gets bungie-launced into the air while inside a port-o-potty. She also did a half-funny skit with Kimmel. Redemption for GMA!



9. More chaos! Did Braveney actually flip her mic on while singing "Hold It Against Me" for the  Kimmel crowd?

10. On Wednesday afternoon, Hits Daily Double projected that Femme Fatale will indeed become Cashney's sixth #1 album next week, after guesstimated sales of about 275,000 to 300,000 copies. That's a far cry from the 505,000 Spears' last LP Circus sold out of the gate, and more on par with the first-week numbers Blackout—her only album to not reach #1—did in fall 2007. (Of course, the damn thing did leak two-and-a-half weeks early.) We shall wait and see.

Anyway, here's "Scary," a Fraser T. Smith-produced bonus track on the Japanese version of Femme Fatale that clearly should have been on the album proper: