funny birthday poem

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did." ~Saturday Night Live, Jack Handey, "Deep Thoughts "



If it takes a lot of words to say what you have in mind, give it more thought. ~Dennis Roth



Certain peer pressures encourage little fingers to learn how to hold a football instead of a crayon. Rumors circulate around the schoolyard: kids who draw or wear white socks and bring violins to school on Wednesdays might have cooties. I confess to having yielded to these pressures. ~Chris Van Allsburg



I am more afraid of an army of one hundred sheep led by a lion than an army of one hundred lions led by a sheep. ~Charles Maurice, Prince de Talleyrand-Perigord



I am chained to the earth to pay for the freedom of my eyes. ~Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin



The nice thing about teamwork is that you always have others on your side. ~Margaret Carty



If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what really throws you into a panic. ~Jack Handey



It's a cruel season that makes you get ready for bed while it's light out. ~Calvin



Why torture yourself when life'll do it for you? ~Author Unknown



When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure. ~Author Unknown



A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. ~Douglas Adams



Justice is open to everyone in the same way as the Ritz Hotel. ~Judge Sturgess



Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers. ~Lewis Mumford, The Brown Decades



He dares to be a fool, and that is the first step in the direction of wisdom. ~James Gibbons Huneker



Weather is a great metaphor for life - sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, and there's nothing much you can do about it but carry an umbrella. ~Terri Guillemets



Love is being stupid together. ~Paul Valery



Our character is what we do when we think no one is looking. ~Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Browne



Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own. ~Aristotle



No physician is really good before he has killed one or two patients. ~Hindu Proverb



Man is the animal that intends to shoot himself out into interplanetary space, after having given up on the problem of an efficient way to get himself five miles to work and back each day. ~Bill Vaughan