funny quotes and sayings for facebook status

Chaperons don't enforce morality; they force immorality to be discreet. ~Judith Martin



Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might. ~Ecclesiastes 9:10



Cats speak a subtle language in which few sounds carry many meanings, depending on how they are sung or purred. "Mnrhnh" means comfortable soft chairs. It also means fish. It means genial companionship... and the absence of dogs. ~Val Schaffner



The happiness of the domestic fireside is the first boon of Heaven; and it is well it is so, since it is that which is the lot of the mass of mankind. ~Thomas Jefferson, 1813



If my devils are to leave me, I am afraid my angels will take flight as well. ~Rainer Maria Rilke, on leaving psychotherapy



Life, not the parson, teaches conduct. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.



Without doubt half the ethical rules they din into our ears are designed to keep us at work. ~Llewelyn Powys



What a lucky thing the wheel was invented before the automobile; otherwise can you imagine the awful screeching? ~Samuel Hoffenstein



One photo out of focus is a mistake, ten photo out of focus are an experimentation, one hundred photo out of focus are a style. ~Author Unknown



Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up. ~Pablo Picasso



A friendly look, a kindly smile, one good act, and life's worthwhile. ~Author Unknown



The only way for errors to occur in a program is by being put there by the author. No other mechanisms are known. Programs can't acquire bugs by sitting around with other buggy programs. ~Harlan Mills



Masturbation: the primary sexual activity of mankind. In the nineteenth century it was a disease; in the twentieth, it's a cure. ~Thomas Szasz



We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children. ~Native American Proverb



Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad. ~Norm Papernick



A woman is as young as her knees. ~Mary Quant



Flowers often grow more beautifully on dung-hills than in gardens that look beautifully kept. ~Saint Francis de Sales



Conscience is, in most, an anticipation of the opinion of others. ~Henry Taylor



This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer. ~Will Rogers



"Know thyself" - a maxim as pernicious as it is odious. A person observing himself would arrest his own development. Any caterpillar who tried to "know himself" would never become a butterfly. ~Andre Gide, Nouvelles Nourritures