quotes for haters

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon. ~Doug Larson



Presidents and presidential assassins are like Las Vegas and Salt Lake City. Even though one city is all about sin and the other is all about salvation, they are identical, one-dimensional company towns built up by the sheer will of true believers. ~Sarah Vowell



The white light streams down to be broken up by those human prisms into all the colors of the rainbow. Take your own color in the pattern and be just that. ~Charles R. Brown



Sir, more than kisses, letters mingle souls; for, thus friends absent speak. ~John Donne



Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you - not because they are nice, but because you are. ~Author Unknown



Science, at bottom, is really anti-intellectual. It always distrusts pure reason, and demands the production of objective fact. ~H.L. Mencken, Minority Report: H.L. Mencken's Notebook, 1956



Though confined to our destiny, we do get to pick the color scheme. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com



Leaders are visionaries with a poorly developed sense of fear and no concept of the odds against them. ~Robert Jarvik



Grief has limits, whereas apprehension has none. For we grieve only for what we know has happened, but we fear all that possibly may happen. ~Pliny the Younger



It'll be a great day when education gets all the money it wants and the Air Force has to hold a bake sale to buy bombers. ~Unknown author, quoted in You Said a Mouthful edited by Ronald D. Fuchs



Learning to skip has brought control into her life. Whenever she feels all sad, she switches into this wholly happy gait, sliding, hopping, and sliding again; when doing this, it seems as though her head separates from her body, making her feel dizzy and emptied out of bad thoughts. Does anyone else know this trick, she wonders? Probably not, although her Mother sometimes smiles and waves from the window. ~Carol Shields, The Stone Diaries



I'm pretty sure it's a simple matter of climbing over that seemingly high (but actually rather unimpressive) obstacle. ~Jeb Dickerson, www.howtomatter.com



All reformers, however strict their social conscience, live in houses just as big as they can pay for. ~Logan Pearsall Smith



A prose writer gets tired of writing prose, and wants to be a poet. So he begins every line with a capital letter, and keeps on writing prose. ~Samuel McChord Crothers, "Every Man's Natural Desire to Be Somebody Else," The Dame School of Experience, 1920



What a miserable thing life is: you're living in clover, only the clover isn't good enough. ~Bertolt Brecht, Jungle of Cities, 1924



The next time someone asks you, "Hey, howdja get to be a homosexual anyway?" tell them, "Homosexuals are chosen first on talent, then interview... then the swimsuit and evening gown competition pretty much gets rid of the rest of them." ~Karen Williams



Most beds sleep up to six cats. Ten cats without the owner. ~Stephen Baker



You must lose a fly to catch a trout. ~George Herbert



Most of the money you'll win at poker comes not from the brilliance of your own play, but from the ineptitude of your opponents. ~Lou Krieger



The most tragic paradox of our time is to be found in the failure of nation-states to recognize the imperatives of internationalism. ~Earl Warren