funny quotes cartoon

Codi: "So you think we all just have animal dreams. We can't think of anything to dream except our ordinary lives."



A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. ~Martin H. Fischer



Plants are the young of the world, vessels of health and vigor; but they grope ever upward towards consciousness; the trees are imperfect men, and seem to bemoan their imprisonment, rooted in the ground. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson, Essays, Second Series, 1844



God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers. ~Jewish Proverb



You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way. ~The Simpsons by Matt Groening, spoken by the character Homer Simpson



Assumptions are the termites of relationships. ~Henry Winkler



Indecision becomes decision with time. ~Author Unknown



One can enjoy a wood fire worthily only when he warms his thoughts by it as well as his hands and feet. ~Odell Shepherd



The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old. ~Joan Kerr, Please Don't Eat the Daisies, 1957



Self is the only prison that can ever bind the soul. ~Henry Van Dyke, The Prison and the Angel



Enjoy yourself. It's later than you think. ~Chinese Proverb



A happy marriage is a long conversation that always seems too short. ~Andre Maurois



Youth is a perpetual intoxication; it is a fever of the mind. ~Francois Duc de la Rochefoucauld



The light is what guides you home, the warmth is what keeps you there. ~Ellie Rodriguez, @sapphiremoon13



Frugality is misery in disguise. ~Publilius Syrus



It is well that you should celebrate your Arbor Day thoughtfully, for within your lifetime the nation's need of trees will become serious. We of an older generation can get along with what we have, though with growing hardship; but in your full manhood and womanhood you will want what nature once so bountifully supplied and man so thoughtlessly destroyed; and because of that want you will reproach us, not for what we have used, but for what we have wasted. ~Theodore Roosevelt, 1907 Arbor Day Message



Recall the old story of the rather refined young man who preferred sex dreams to visiting brothels because he met a much nicer type of girl that way. ~Vivian Mercer



A smile confuses an approaching frown. ~Author Unknown



The common thread that binds nearly all animal species seems to be that males are willing to abandon all sense and decorum, even to risk their lives, in the frantic quest for sex. ~Randy Thornhill and Craig T. Palmer, A Natural History of Rape



When you think about flying, it's nuts really. Here you are at about 40,000 feet, screaming along at 700 miles an hour and you're sitting there drinking Diet Pepsi and eating peanuts. It just doesn't make any sense. ~David Letterman