funny quotes jokes

Hockey is murder on ice. ~Jim Murray



What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds. ~Will Rogers



Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be. ~Grandma Moses



Complete possession is proved only by giving. All you are unable to give possesses you. ~Andre Gide



You don't understand anything until you learn it more than one way. ~Marvin Minsky



Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one. ~Malcolm S. Forbes



Always be a little kinder than necessary. ~James M. Barrie



To Crystal, hair was the most important thing on earth. She would never get married because you couldn't wear curlers in bed. ~Edna O'Brien



There must be millions of people all over the world who never get any love letters... I could be their leader. ~Charlie Brown



When a cat chooses to be friendly, it's a big deal, because a cat is picky. ~Mike Deupree



There is nothing wrong with today's teenager that twenty years won't cure. ~Author Unknown There is nothing wrong with today's teenager that twenty years won't cure. ~Author Unknown



When the student is ready, the master appears. ~Buddhist Proverb



Excess on occasion is exhilirating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit. ~W. Somerset Maugham, The Summing Up, 1938



No one can get inner peace by pouncing on it. ~Harry Emerson Fosdick



Remember: "I" before "E," except in Budweiser. ~Author Unknown



One summer night, out on a flat headland, all but surrounded by the waters of the bay, the horizons were remote and distant rims on the edge of space. Millions of stars blazed in darkness, and on the far shore a few lights burned in cottages. Otherwise there was no reminder of human life. My companion and I were alone with the stars: the misty river of the Milky Way flowing across the sky, the patterns of the constellations standing out bright and clear, a blazing planet low on the horizon. It occurred to me that if this were a sight that could be seen only once in a century, this little headland would be thronged with spectators. But it can be see many scores of nights in any year, and so the lights burned in the cottages and the inhabitants probably gave not a thought to the beauty overhead; and because they could see it almost any night, perhaps they never will. ~Rachel Carson



The universe is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper. ~Eden Phillpotts, A Shadow Passes



Civilization... wrecks the planet from seafloor to stratosphere. ~Richard Bach



We now have unshakable conviction that accident causes are man-made and that a manmade problem can be solved by men and women. ~W.H. Cameron



Without cultural sanction, most or all our religious beliefs and rituals would fall into the domain of mental disturbance. ~John F. Schumaker, Corruption of Reality, Unified Theory of Religion, Hypnosis and Psychotherapy