teamwork quotes funny

A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes. ~Mark Twain



Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can. ~Danny Kaye



Dress it as we may, feather it, daub it with gold, huzza it, and sing swaggering songs about it, what is war, nine times out of ten, but murder in uniform? ~Douglas Jerrold



No matter where you go or what you do, you live your entire life within the confines of your head. ~Terry Josephson



My life has been full of terrible misfortunes most of which never happened. ~Michel de Montaigne



One of the greatest captains of the age. ~Benjamin Franklin



To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly. ~Author Unknown



Barbarism is needed every four or five hundred years to bring the world back to life. Otherwise it would die of civilization. ~Edmond and Jules de Goncourt, Journal, 3 September 1855



More than any other American sport, baseball creates the magnetic, addictive illusion that it can almost be understood. ~Thomas Boswell, in Inside Sports



I hate war for its consequences, for the lies it lives on and propagates, for the undying hatreds it arouses, for the dictatorships it puts in the place of democracies, and for the starvation that stalks after it. I hate war, and never again will I sanction or support another. ~Harry Emerson Fosdick



The signs of the zodiac are karmic patterns; the planets are the looms; the will is the weaver. ~Author Unknown



Death is the surest calculation that can be made. ~Ludwig B�chner, Force and Matter



My cock doesn't talk politics. ~Stephal Sachs



When you no longer know what headache, heartache, or stomachache means without cistern punctures, electrocardiograms and six x-ray plates, you are slipping. ~Martin H. Fischer



Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. ~Author Unknown



I don't think much of a man who is not wiser today than he was yesterday. ~Abraham Lincoln



You're not supposed to be so blind with patriotism that you can't face reality. Wrong is wrong, no matter who says it. ~Malcolm X



Here's to matrimony, the high sea for which no compass has yet been invented! ~Heinrich Heine



If you've never stared off in the distance, then your life is a shame. ~Adam Duritz, "Mrs. Potter's Lullaby," performed by Counting Crows



His sayings are generally like women's letters; all the pith is in the postscript. ~William Hazlitt